


Safe

by JaydonMonroe



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Dennis Reynolds Has Big Feelings, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Suicidal Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:09:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaydonMonroe/pseuds/JaydonMonroe
Summary: "Have you ever thought about dying?" Dennis turned his head to face Charlie's, the soft grass tickling his ear. Charlie's eyes stayed stuck staring at the clouded night sky, stars barely visible through the city's light pollution."Yeah, but I'm sure everyone does," Charlie spoke softer than the grass they laid on, "Why? Why do you ask?" This time Charlie turned his head to face Dennis, only his eyes avoided Dennis's.See notes for specific trigger warnings.
Relationships: Charlie Kelly/Dennis Reynolds
Kudos: 16





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my mental breakdowns. If things such as screaming things like "I wish I were fucking dead" or "I'm going to kill myself", then please do not read this.  
> This is my first fic that I can say I'm proud of and this is a vent piece. I might add another chapter, but most likely won't.

"Have you ever thought about dying?" Dennis turned his head to face Charlie's, the soft grass tickling his ear. Charlie's eyes stayed stuck staring at the clouded night sky, stars barely visible through the city's light pollution. 

"Yeah, but I'm sure everyone does," Charlie spoke softer than the grass they laid on, "Why? Why do you ask?" This time Charlie turned his head to face Dennis, only his eyes avoided Dennis's.

Dennis waited a few beats, listening to the noises of the city. He could hear cars passing. A couple argued in an apartment complex a few buildings down from the small garden the two men laid on. Small animals rustled in the few trees that were still present and yet to be taken down for a new building or sidewalk. The night felt beyond time and beyond space. He felt like he did not exist, like if either one of them stood up, the night would cease to exist. Dennis felt his hand grab onto Charlie's, his eyes still held to Charlie's face. 

"Please don't leave me," Dennis croaked, tears making his throat thick. His eyes felt cold as tears flowed slowly down his cheeks. Charlie reached his other hand out and wiped away the droplets from his right eye, finally looking Dennis in the eye.

"I won't, I promise, Dennis," Charlie pulled Dennis in so that their foreheads rested against one another. Charlie felt Dennis's grip on his hand.

"Are you crying now?" Dennis asked Charlie lightly after what felt like an eternity of silence between them.

Charlie realized he too was crying, but he was numb. He could not feel the tears, or Dennis, or himself. Charlie knew Dennis was hurting his hand, squeezing it too hard, but he did not feel anything. He felt high without being high.

"Yeah, Den, I am," Charlie answered, his voice sounding distant and unfocused, "I want to go home, but I'm scared."

"Why?" Dennis could feel a sob building inside his throat, his grip on Charlie's hand doubling in strength.

"I can't leave you," Charlie's eyes were shut, tears falling, his hand firm on the back of Dennis's head gripping his curly hair tightly.

They stayed like that for five minutes, laying in a park, 2 AM on a Thursday morning. Charlie could not leave Dennis, and the thought of leaving the grass they laid on felt like leaving Dennis. His Dennis, his version of Dennis only he could see. Charlie wrapped his free arm around Dennis's waist, making sure neither of them would leave the other. Dennis returned the gesture and released his hand that held Charlie's and grabbed Charlie around his neck and waist, his chin tucked over Charlie's shoulder, sobbing. Dennis could not catch his breath and held onto Charlie like he was his lifeline.

"Please don't leave me, please, please, help me, Charlie, I'm gonna fucking die," Dennis choked, his breathing uneven.

Charlie pushed Dennis off, and sat up, staring blankly ahead of him, fingers tugging at the grass. Dennis curled in on himself, his sobbing softer and less intense. The tension between the two felt awkward and thick. Dennis continued choking sobs, alternating between "god, fucking god, I'm gonna kill myself" and "why'd I fucking say that? I'm sorry, Charlie, I'm so sorry!"

"Please stop, Dennis," Charlie sniffled, "please, stop. Don't say that. Don't say that shit."

Dennis did not, or more accurately, could not answer. His brain was disconnected and foggy. He could not process his surroundings or noises or Charlie. The only thoughts that could break through the fogginess was  _ "shut the fuck up you bitch you motherfucking bitch useless whore that's all you are a bastard". _

Charlie pushed Dennis from laying on his side to laying on his back, Dennis's arms stretched out and started banging the ground, his fists growing raw. Dennis continued sobbing, even after the tears could no longer flow from his eyes. Charlie straddled Dennis, his knees on either side of Dennis's ribcage. Charlie lifted Dennis's head pressed gentle kisses to Dennis's nose and cheeks and lips and the wet tracks that the tears left. Charlie's thumb caressed gently along Dennis's jawline. His fists still pounding the now upheaved grass, Dennis dry-sobbed against Charlie's lips.

"Talk to me, baby, talk to me," Charlie pleaded, resting his forehead against Dennis's. Eyes shut right, blocking out every visual, Charlie lightly tugged frustratedly at Dennis's hair.

Time felt like it stayed still between the two, their world shattering and crumbling around them. Charlie held onto Dennis as if he would leave at any time, and that was always a possibility for him, for the weirdo of the group. Dennis wrapped his arms around Charlie's middle, hugging him and burying his face in Charlie's chest. 

"Charlie, can we go home?" Dennis asked, breaking the silence for the last time in their dying world. He needed to leave the grass, leave their sacred world. 

It was too tainted for it to stay in existence. 

Dennis's apartment building was only a few blocks away from the part. Dennis had composed himself enough to walk without any assistance, but let Charlie grab his hand, interlocking their fingers, and lead him to his building. When they had reached Dennis's apartment, Charlie reached into Dennis's pockets and fished out the keys. By the time Charlie was able to unlock the door through shaky hands, both men were starting to feel the crashing wave of tiredness. 

"Do–do you want to stay over?" Dennis asked through sleep-heavy eyes and long eyelashes, his hand grasping tightly on Charlie's. 

"If you need me to," Charlie's hand migrated from Dennis's hand to his waist.

Dennis walked into the apartment, breaking Charlie's grasp on his hip. Charlie stood, dumbfounded still standing in the hallways. Dennis turned back and grabbed Charlie's wrist, leading him inside. Charlie watched as Dennis frantically scrounged and rummaged around through his own belongings, slamming cabinets and drawers. Charlie could make out soft mumbling from Dennis, but could not hear explicitly what he was saying. While Dennis was preoccupied with going through a kitchen drawer, Charlie grabbed Dennis's shoulder, startling the taller man. 

"What are you looking for?" Charlie's voice was rough, his throat as harsh as sandpaper.

Dennis snapped around and pointed a kitchen knife at Charlie, the end of the blade centimeters from Charlie's chest. Heart frantic, the small man stared speechless at the knife, seeing his own self in its reflection. He could see his heart beating through his skin, grazing the sharp tip every other beat.

"Wh–wha—are yo–you're gonna fu–fucking stab—" Dennis's eyes, malicious, animalistic eyes, stared deep into Charlie's. Piercing through Charlie's green eyes, the baby blues read Charlie. He could feel Dennis learning everything about Charlie, leaving nothing for him to hide from Dennis.

Dennis's eyes scanned over Charlie, taking note of every little characteristic. Charlie's Adam's apple bobbed nervously, his eyes nearly popping out of their sockets, shoulders quivering, knees close to buckling under his body. With one step closer, Dennis could impale the man's heart, end his life, end this whole debacle. Erase their tainted world from anyone ever remembering, leaving only Dennis knowing.

The two stood there for an eternity. Dennis stayed still enough to be mistaken for a statue if anyone were to walk in. Charlie trembled, his eyes darting from the knife, to Dennis's eyes, back to the knife.

"Are you going to kill me?" Charlie asked once again. Charlie's throat felt tight, his voice cracking. Dennis's eyes stayed staring deep into his soul. 

"No, I'm not," Dennis let himself relax, his arm dropping, the knife bumping against his thigh, "I'd never hurt you.

Dennis's gaze averted to the tiled kitchen floor. He felt heat rising to his face and down his neck. Regret settled deep inside his stomach, holding onto the last sense of recognizable emotion he had. Charlie knelt down to Dennis —

Knelt?

When did he get to the floor?

"Den," Charlie rested his hand gently on Dennis's shoulder, testing the waters of what Dennis could handle, "are you okay?!" 

Charlie's voice rose, rising in pitch and volume. Dennis was curled onto himself, knife still in his fist, his head and shoulders resting against the sink's cabinets. Dennis's face began contorting as tears rolled from his eyes once again, most likely not the last time tonight.

"I wanna–I wanna fuckin' die, Charlie, I–I  _ really _ wanna die," Dennis's own voice raw from its rapid rise in volume. He wrapped his arms around himself, knife barely missing stabbing him in the ribs. Dennis began thrashing his body, tugging at his shirt, banging his head against the floor. 

Panic rising, Charlie lunged at the thrashing man, pinning his arms down by the wrists, he straddled Dennis's lap, keeping his legs from kicking. Leaving him no other way to hurt himself, Dennis violently picked his head up and slammed it back down, harder and harder than before. Charlie could not think of anything to do to help, his eyebrows furrowed and his face panicked. 

"LET ME KILL MYSELF, LET ME FUCKING DIE!"

"Den, baby, please, please," Charlie let go of Dennis's wrists, tugging the kitchen knife out of his fist, throwing it all the way across the floor and to a hallway. Dennis no longer banged his fist or kicked his legs, leaving Charlie with more options to work with to calm Dennis down. 

"I need you to stop yelling, okay?" Charlie held Dennis's now-quiet face in his hands, "its okay, I have you." 

Dennis felt his mind connect with his body again. He grounded himself, focusing on the weight of Charlie practically sitting on him, Charlie's thumbs brushing fallen tears from his eyes. 

"I hate this….I hate all of this so much…." Dennis whispered, barely audible.

"I know, I know, Den. I know it's all a lot for you. I'm not leaving you, I'm right here," Charlie said soothingly. 

Dennis's mind clouded over again, but not in the same way as earlier that night at the park or when he was on the kitchen floor. He did not realize Charlie had gotten him to his feet and walked him to his bedroom, but he knew it must have happened as he was now laying on his bed. Charlie sat on the corner by Dennis's feet, staring at his hands in his lap. Dennis noticed he was no longer wearing the button up shirt he had worn all day, not was he wearing jeans or his shoes. He now wore a t shirt that was most likely Mac's and was just in his boxers. 

"Are you staying tonight?" Dennis sat up, resting his head against Charlie's shoulder. 

"I think I need to. We can talk about….tonight tomorrow," Dennis's stomach flipped, anxious for the next morning. Dennis felt Charlie kissed the top of his head. Taking his opportunity for distraction, Dennis cupped Charlie's face and kissed him deeply. After a minute, Charlie broke their kiss, meeting Dennis's eyes.

"I can't, you're not okay. I'm not going to do this tonight," Charlie ran his hand through Dennis's hair gently.

"I'm sorry I'm like this. You don't have to do this. You can go home, it's fine. I'm fine," it was Dennis's turn to look down at his hands. 

"I'm staying. I'm not leaving."

Charlie laid next to Dennis, holding onto him. He was terrified Dennis would have another episode and lash out violently again. Charlie could not let the man he loved hurt.

"Do you love me? Like, all of me. Not just the….good parts," Dennis's question sent shivers through Charlie's body.

"All of you are the good parts. I love you, even when I think you're about to kill me," Charlie knew he should not joke about Dennis's episodes, but he did not know how else to deal with it. Dennis slipped his arms around Charlie's middle, rekindling and rebuilding the world around them. 

"I….can we not go back?" 

"Where?" Charlie asked. 

"The grass. We can't go back," Dennis felt embarrassed, like he was acting like a child.

"Yeah, that's fine. I don't care, we don't have to go anywhere ever if you don't want to," Charlie tucked his head under Dennis's chin, their bodies close enough Charlie felt like their hearts had become syncopated. 

Charlie did not know how Dennis felt exactly, but he knew neither of them wanted to face the world ever again.


End file.
